Showing posts with label Humanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humanity. Show all posts

Norway mass killer jeered on way to court hearing


Norway mass killer jeered on way to court hearing - Norway's police believe Anders Behring Breivik probably acted alone in killing 76 people last Friday, and Norwegians united in revulsion against the worst attack in the Nordic nation since World War Two.

A source close to the investigation told Reuters of Breivik's talk of other cells: "We feel that the accused has fairly low credibility when it comes to this claim but none of us dare to be completely dismissive about it either."

Researchers also doubt Breivik's claim that he is part of a wider far-right network of anti-Islam "crusaders," seeing them as empty bragging by a psychopathic fantasist who has written that exaggeration is a way to sow confusion among investigators.

On Tuesday, Justice Minister Knut Storberget will meet police chiefs who are facing criticism for taking more than an hour on Friday to stop a shooting spree in which 68 people, mostly teenagers, were shot after a bomb in Oslo killed eight.

Norway has felt a widening sense of relief that 32-year-old Breivik seems to have been alone in his drive to protect Europe from "cultural Marxism" and a "Muslim invasion" by striking at Norway's ruling Labour Party.


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Norwegian Anders Behring Breivik, the man accused of a killing spree and bomb attack in Norway, sits in the rear of a vehicle as he is transported in a police convoy to a court in Oslo July 25, 2011. The 32-year-old Norwegian gunman appeared in court for a custody hearing on Monday after killing at least 93 people in a bomb attack in Oslo's government district and shooting rampage at a youth summer camp of Norway's ruling Labour party on the island of Utoeya on Friday. Breivik declared in a rambling 1,500-pagemanifesto posted online shortly before the massacre that he was on a self-appointed mission to save Europe from what he saw as the threats of Islam, immigration and multi-culturalism. REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay (NORWAY - Tags: DISASTER CONFLICT SOCIETY)

More than 100,000 Norwegians rallied in Oslo on Monday night, many carrying white and red roses, to mourn the dead and to show unity after July 22. Tens of thousands of others rallied in other cities from Tromsoe to Bergen.

BORDER CONTROLS

In signs that police are toning down fears that Breivik was part of a wider network, border controls imposed on July 22 were lifted late on Monday. Norway has not asked foreign nations to launch probes nor raised the threat level for terrorism.

Even the final entry in Breivik's own 1,500 page manifesto says on July 22: "The old saying: 'if you want something done, then do it yourself' is as relevant now as it was then."

"Intuitively, it feels like he is alone when you read the document. It's like he's lost in this made-up world and can't distinguish between fantasy and reality," said Magnus Ranstorp, Research Director at the Center for Asymmetric Threat Studies at the Swedish National Defense College.

"They (mass killers) are usually alone," he said.

Police defended themselves from suggestions that some alarm bells should have rung about Breivik. The head of the PST security police even said he would have slipped through the net in former East Germany with its feared Stasi police.

PST says Breivik's name appeared only once, on a list of 50-60 Norwegians sent by Interpol after he paid 120 crowns ($22.16) to a Polish company that sold chemicals and was on a watch list. They found no reason to react.

STASI GERMANY

"I don't think even Stasi Germany could have uncovered this person," PST chief Janne Kristiansen told the VG newspaper's online edition, adding he was "the incarnation of evil."

Breivik is likely to face a lifetime in jail if convicted of the crimes, which included shooting dead terrified teenagers on Utoeya island at a Labour Party summer camp.

He admits the attacks, but denies criminal responsibility. Even his father is horrified.

"In my darkest moments, I think that rather than killing all those people, he should have taken his own life," Breivik's father told Norwegian independent TV2 in France.

He said his son, with whom he has had no contact since he was a teenager, must be mentally ill. "There is no other way to explain it."

Other researchers say that he shares traits with past mass murderers.

"He has no empathy, he is indifferent to the people he kills, he has no conscience and no remorse," said Ragnhild Bjoernebekk, a researcher at Norway's police school.

"Evil can kill a person but never conquer a people," Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg said on Monday evening at the mass rally, probably the biggest in Norway since the end of World War Two. Norway's population is 4.8 million

"Our fathers and mothers promised 'never again April 9'. We promise 'never again July 22'," he said. Hitler's forces invaded Norway on April 10, 1940 at the start of a five-year occupation.

Many Norwegians have expressed relief that Breivik seems to have been a lone, home-grown fanatic rather than, for instance, an envoy of al Qaeda. Many compare him to Timothy McVeigh who killed 168 people with a truck bomb in Oklahoma City in 1995.

"If this was done by a foreigner it would have been very difficult," said Raj Pereet Singh, a Norwegian whose parents immigrated. ( Reuters )

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Good education does not need a price tag


Good education does not need a price tag - Something draws the children to a bus station in Depok Baru. Entranced, the kids come in swarms of 40, 50 and even 100.

They come early in the morning, in the heat of the afternoon, and late at night after a long day of labor. Weaving through the traffic and crowds in front of the terminal, they sneak through corridors and dart through alleys toward the area behind the building.

Children aged 5, young adults nearing 18, they are being driven behind the bus station not by mischief or opportunity for teenage delinquency. There is a common desire that brings 900 children together by their own volition: They want to learn.


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Education for all: Two female students walk in the compound of a free school in Depok, West Java. The school provides a good education for underprivileged children. Mar Costa


In Greater Jakarta, education comes with a price, with tuition being only a part of it.

In addition to paying a portion of a family’s income toward a student’s education, the family also loses what supplemental income the children may earn.

Too often, families are left with little choice: In a debate between having a child in school or food on the table, impoverished children are left without an education.

In 2001, a man named Nurrohim noticed that children in the newly expanding city of Depok could not afford to go to school and were left to work or loiter all day.

Surely he wasn’t the first to notice; surely others could see a generation of young minds with no opportunity beyond a life of labor on Depok’s streets. Unlike those before him, Nurrohim followed an instinct echoed in the American film Field of Dreams: “If you build it, they will come.”

MASTER school started as a small project run out of a mosque near the bus terminal. It sought to educate locals who worked in and around the station: Street vendors, public transportation drivers, children who hung around with nowhere else to go.

However, local interest became so great that there was not enough space to handle demand. The school, founded by the Bina Insan Mandiri Foundation, developed into a larger project, and took the name “Master” as a portmanteau of the words Masjid (Mosque) and Terminal. The single room gathering expanded to several open-air classrooms in the area behind the terminal.

Soon, the school received enough donations to afford to build a two-story building out of recycled containers. Included in the small building is a computer lab.

The students, who would normally never imagine owning a computer at home, are now able to become fluent in computer programs.

The generosity of the community doesn’t stop there: The school also has music and art laboratories, and a design classroom where students learn to make textiles that are sold to benefit the school. The giving comes in response to the great progress being made by the students every day.

The students become well rounded by being educated in a wide variety of subjects, including math, writing, economics, geography, history, religion, arts, and the English language.

Upon completion of the different levels of education (elementary, junior high, high school), the students receive degrees from the Kejar Packet system.

By receiving a Packet A, B, or C degree, a student gets a certificate that, while different, has equivalent status to a diploma from state school. The Packet C certificate is a prized possession. With this, the students are able to further their education at university.

A few years ago, the school sent a few students to a math competition in Jakarta. They faced stiff competition from the many state schools in the city. One student, Raka Novian, manifested the efforts of Master when he proved that poverty is not, and should never be, a barrier to education.

The 15-year-old boy won the competition. According to the Master website, Raka started his education in Jakarta, but sadly, his parents could no longer afford the school fees and he had to enroll in the free program at Master.

Now, thanks to his strong ambitions and the help provided from the school, Raka is a student at the prestigious University of Indonesia.

Raka is an example of the students that Master wishes to help: those of poverty and limiting conditions, those who otherwise would be left to work on the streets.

He heeded the call that still sounds resiliently over the loud hum of dozens of buses; the silent siren of education that begins in the school behind the terminal but stretches throughout Depok and Jakarta.

Watch the children as they come in droves, escaping the crowds and busy work life for the liberating opportunity the school presents. See the students brilliantly display that poverty is no barrier.

As long as there are giving people willing to give children a chance, there is nothing that can stop the will to learn. ( thejakartapost.com )

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The Healing Power Of Love


The Healing Power Of Love. In praise of love, lift your gaze and open your heart. In service to love, open your hands and let go of your burden. In a world that lives by the motto, “Seeing is believing,” how do we come to believe in the power of the invisible? You cannot see love and yet it is beautiful. You cannot touch love and yet it can heal you.

The Body of Love. Why bother cultivating the presence of love in your life? This invisible protein builds your muscles. It makes you strong. This unseen balm brightens your face and makes your skin glow. This hidden vitamin provides the missing ingredient that fixes what’s broken and upgrades your functioning.


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It lubricates your joints and smoothes your digestion. It balances your metabolism and maximizes your brainpower. Your body, when permeated with love, is a brand new body. All parts work in harmony and you become the best version of you.

The Love Within. Where do you find this love that solves all your problems? It resides within every particle of your being. Within each atom, cell, organ and system of your body, you can find another dimension of love. All you have to do is look for it and it will reveal itself to you.

Is one atom more beautiful than another? Yes. The atoms infused with the energy of love compose themselves into things of beauty. In your imagination, call forward the love within your atoms. Atoms are made of love so it is not difficult for them to comply. They are happy to have their love called forward and they shine more brightly as you ask this of them.

Atoms of love build cells of love. Speak to your cells. Ask them to show themselves as love. Call upon their nature as love. See your cells honoring and loving each other and in love with their job as faithful units of your body’s structure. Feel their enthusiasm for the well-being of the organs they form.

With atoms flowing love into your cells and cells brightly shining their love into your organs, feel the invisible beauty of the love that shapes each of your parts. Built from love, they function with ease and cheerfulness and together they form systems of magnificent functioning based on the brilliance and genius of love.

These systems, infused with love, beating your heart, breathing your air, digesting and metabolizing, generate a field of power and delight that extends far beyond your skin. This field beautifies not only your body, but your home and your relationships. This love that comes from deep within you, spreads far beyond you and ignites love in others.

The Mind of Love. By consciously calling to you the love tone within every level of your body, your mind becomes tuned to love. Thoughts that ring in harmony with the love between your cells coalesce in your mind. You perceive them as moments of realization.

The solution to a problem may appear to your mind plain as day. Even though you were struggling long and hard with this dilemma, now, effortlessly, in the hum of love, the pieces of the puzzle come together in your awareness and the problem dissolves. An insight of depth and clarity replaces your angst.

The mind of love is a well-oiled machine and it can lift burdens with more ease and effectiveness than the most powerful steel machinery. It can advance your life with more precision and value than the most cutting edge technology.

Speak to Love. Although you cannot see love and you cannot touch love, you can speak to love. You can call its name and it will hear. You can ask love to reveal itself more and more to you. You can praise love for its infinite abundance and nurturing presence. You can understand love as the foundation of the universe and of who you are. You can know love as the invisible face of God. ( yofa.net )

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Time to see a sex therapist!


Time to see a sex therapist! . Knowing when to consult a sex therapist can make or break your sex life, and probably your relationship. We list the signs you must look
out for

Given the hush-hush attitude that many people harbour towards sex, its not surprising that approaching a therapist for sexual issues is seen the last resort. In fact, it’s even considered unimportant. The result —frustration and strain on marital life. Here are the warning signs.


Doctor



Why procrastinate

Guilt: Most people are taught to look down upon sexual desire as something shameful, vulgar and condemnable. Those who consciously suppress their sexual desire and refrain from sex are respected and often glorified. A young man feels guilty if he feels sexually aroused looking at a beautiful woman. A woman too, condemns herself for experiencing a normal sexual urge. In some cases, husbands even look down upon their wives for their expression of sexual urge! This attitude prevents people from seeing a therapist.

Quacks: Sadly, the city is full of quacks who pose as sex specialists. In most cases, these people are unqualified. With no proper medical degree, they propagate myths such as masturbation is harmful or nightfall is a disease. Understand that qualified medical practitioners are not legally allowed to publish or display any advertisement. Before visiting those so-called specialists, who put up big claims, remember to do a cross check. Compared to other specialists, qualified sex therapists are less in number. This lack of availability worsens the problem.

Not knowing when to consult: The third reason why people either hesitate or completely avoid consulting a sex therapist is due to a lack of clarity about when to consult. Women prefer visiting a gynecologist whenever they have complaints related to their genitals. However, sexual problems are often emotional, psychological or even relational in origin, and don’t always fall under the ambit of a gynecologist’s expertise. Clinical psychologists and counsellors on the other hand, have a psychology background and may not be able to provide sex therapy like a qualified doctor.

Consult a sex therapist when

Dealing with attitudinal issues: Often, the man or woman needs to deal with attitudinal issues regarding his or her own, or the partner’s role in the act. For instance, who should make the first move, what is the correct technique and duration of foreplay, the correct frequency of intercourse, when and where intercourse should be performed, who is supposed to be the active partner, etc.

Having perverted urges: Be it boredom or the need to experiment, men or women often engage in perverted sexual behaviour. If not dealt with properly, the urge can cause harm.

Unable to penetrate, perform: When a man is unable to penetrate during sex with a willing partner, it calls for a detailed investigation of the problem.

Unable to reach orgasm: A woman’s orgasm is probably the most befuddling of all topics. Consulting a sex therapist is advised if the woman is unable to experience orgasm during willing sexual encounters with a loving partner, in spite of active participation.

Getting married: It is amazing how much individuals often learn out of premarital counselling, as they deal with relationships at various levels.

About sexual orientation: Rather than grappling with guilt and confusion, and letting the perplexity affect you, it is better to visit a sex therapist. Not to forget, there are many grey areas of sexuality such as bi-curious and homocurious. ( indiatimes.com )

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Come to the Fair


Come to the Fair -- Prepared!. Job fairs are a great way to shop for new job opportunities, network and make personal contacts with recruiters at various organizations.

Here are some techniques recommended by experts to ensure that your performance at the fair doesn't turn into a circus:




Do some scouting.

If you've never been to a job fair, attend the next one that comes to your city for observational purposes. Pay attention to recruiters and fellow job seekers to pick up some pointers on how to dress, how to approach a company's booth appropriately and how to successfully work the room.

Do some research.

Find out which companies will be represented and learn about them in advance through corporate Web sites or other tools. The more you know, the more you can converse with the company representative in the booth and the more memorable you will be. You will also appear much more professional than unprepared job seekers who make the mistake of starting off their conversations with company representatives by asking, "What does your company do?"

Deliver your key messages quickly.

Interviewers are very busy, so don't waste their time. Work on a "sound bite" that says what your skills are, the type of work that interests you and the kind of company with which you want to associate.

Plan some questions. If you have additional time, be ready to ask intelligent questions. Ask how departments are organized and how your skills might be utilized within the framework of the company. Also show you know something about the company by asking questions about a recent product release, acquisition or other relevant news. And make sure to ask the interviewer what he or she likes best about the corporate culture to better assess if this company is right for you.

Get the interviewer's business card.

If an interview goes well, you will want to follow up with a letter that reinforces the points you made and the facts you learned. If you made a good impression at the fair, the interviewer probably has made a note to that effect and will remember that you passed his or her on-site screen.

Take advantage of the obvious.

Sometimes recruiters will post job openings at their booth and provide written information. Grab all of the information you can on site before you get in line for an interview so you won't waste precious time discussing the obvious.

Dress appropriately.

You are going to a job interview, so dress the part. Break out the business attire and shine your shoes. It's better to error on the side of the conservative than to be too casual.

Show your pearly whites.

Smile when you meet the interviewer. Give a firm handshake. (If you are prone to sweaty palms, bring a handkerchief to use as a towel.) Keep breath mints on hand and make eye contact.

Be organized.

Bring plenty of resumes with you. Keep them in a nice folder so you don't get fingerprints all over them. Have a notebook for memos to yourself.

Avoid the shopping spree.

Many companies give out freebies at their booths. It's OK to pick up an item or two, but don't leave the impression that you are shopping for your kids. The main impression you want to make is that you are very interested and very qualified for a job.

Keep lively.

The lines may be daunting, but don't fail to maximize this opportunity. Talk to every company that fits your experience and ambitions. If you meet with 20 recruiters, at the end of the day you will know 20 people by name. That sure beats sending a blind resume to "Personnel Director." ( msn.com )

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Five Job Search Tips to Survive a Recession


Five Job Search Tips to Survive a Recession. Today's economic news may be gloom and doom but it needn't derail your job hunt. You can still win a great job, even in a lousy economy. You will have to get smarter in your job search strategy, though.

Here are five tips to incorporate into your job search approach during an economic downturn:

1. Research your options

Does your industry or line of work offer little promise of employment in the coming months? If so, now is a good time to step back to identify the projected top performing industries and jobs. The best place to find this info is on the Web through Google or Yahoo. Start with "best industries work recession" or "recession jobs 2008" to uncover articles describing some of the more "recession-proof" sectors to target.

2. Change your focus

Start asking yourself the question, "What's in it for them?" as opposed to, "What's in it for me?" Especially in an economic downturn, you'll want to stay focused on what you can accomplish for your next employer. Show them that you understand the macroeconomic "bigger picture" of the role you play in moving the company forward.

3. Sell results, not skills

Leave behind that old mindset that your job-related skills or length of service are selling factors. The new mindset is to think of yourself as a mini profit-and-loss center rather than just an employee. Employers today buy results and are less impressed with candidates promoting a long laundry list of skills. You'll want to define the many ways your past and present job performance is an asset to your next employer.

4. Start talking money

The downturn has made the private sector economy even more bottom-line-oriented than ever. Hiring managers categorize employees into one of two distinct groups:

a.) those who help make money

b.) those who help save money.

Which one are you?

For example, Barry, who preferred to withhold his last name for the purpose of this story, worked as the human resources manager of a midsized company. While much of his work focused on compliance issues, he noticed that the company was paying many thousands of dollars to locate and hire good employees. As a result, Barry developed and implemented an in-house employee referral program that netted three quality hires in a six-month period. This saved the company almost $70,000 that the company would have paid for recruiters and advertising costs.

Barry saves money for his company, and this is an accomplishment future employers will want to hear about.

Rethink your current or past job to understand your position in the bigger corporate P&L picture. Here are some questions to ask yourself:


  • How did my work improve the performance of my department or company?

  • How many roles did I perform that saved the company the expense of added employees or contractors?

  • How has my work made the work of others (employees and managers) easier, faster and more effective?

Collect specific examples of the benefit that your company gained from the work you've already performed. Clarify the specific benefits your company received by making money or saving money, and write them down.

5. Add achievements to your résumé

Employers don't hire employees, they hire problem-solvers. Your new résumé should be a hard-hitting sales tool designed to accomplish one goal: get the interview. To demonstrate this, add a specific achievements list to your résumé. Take the list that you developed in the previous section and hone it down to your biggest and most notable accomplishments. Now, describe the benefit that your employer gained from each example. This will put you several steps ahead of your job-seeking competitors. Plus, you'll now have some talking points ready for that next phone interview.

Summary

Don't let all the hype about the recession spook you into a state of panic. By revising your tactics to include a more solution-selling approach to employers, you stand a better chance of getting hired in today's faltering economy.

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Is Job Hopping the New Norm?


Is Job Hopping the New Norm?. When will you leave your current job?. Your answer is probably much different than it would have been 10 years ago.

Workers today aren't staying with their employers as long as they once did. Job seekers used to approach a new job as a path to retirement, but now they view it as a way to gain experience until they're ready for a better opportunity. Job hopping is the new norm for many workers and it's gaining popularity.



The influence of the Millennials

Although job hopping isn't an overnight phenomenon, workers under 25, also known as Millennials and Gen-Y, are considered the catalysts for the trend. As a whole, this generation of workers is more assertive than previous ones, and they have a laundry list of demands. Millennials want more money than previous generations, a healthy work-life balance and a job with a sense of purpose, according to Nicholas Aretakis, author of "No More Ramen: The 20-Something's Real World Survival Guide."

Millennials look for jobs that pay well, don't interfere with their personal lives and give them a sense of purpose, Aretakis says. They don't know if they'll stay with an employer longer than a couple of years, so the traditional view of company loyalty isn't a chief concern for them.

The new reality

Job hopping isn't necessarily a self-serving tool of "Generation Me." It's necessary for survival in the current job market.

"The fast moving pace of this century does not embrace staying still, and this includes staying still in one job," says Tina Hamilton, founder of human resources company HireVision Group.

After all, hoping to stick with one employer for the rest of your career isn't a realistic expectation, she points out. "Layoffs are commonplace, 'change management' is a job title, and loyalty means being honest and working with integrity -- not staying at a company until retirement."

How it affects everybody

Job hopping might have hit its stride with Millennials but it's catching on with workers of all generations.

"Gen X fits in between attrition rates of Gen Y and baby boomers, recognizing a need to stay a bit longer, but not nearly as patient or committed as boomers," Aretakis says. "Only three in 10 Gen-Xers have been with their employer for 10 years. Boomers, on the other hand, work for the same employer three times longer than Gen-Xers."

Aretakis has also seen an increasing amount of once-loyal boomers looking for new jobs and careers than before, supporting the idea that job hopping is not a trend but rather a new way of life.

Employers, meanwhile, want to retain their employees for as long as possible. Once you consider how much time and money it takes to post a new job then recruit, interview and train a new candidate, you can appreciate the value of a long-term employee.

Even if you are a long-term employee with no plans for a career change, you can still reap the benefits of perks that employers adopt to attract job-hopping Millennials. For example, flexible schedules and telecommuting become options for everyone in the company, not just twentysomethings.

Even the benefits that aren't necessarily written into a company's guidelines can still improve everyone's job situation. For example, according to Aretakis, improved communication between management and lower-level employees, mentorship opportunities, opportunities for career advancement and an overall positive environment keep Millennials with a company.

Changes are already affecting the work world at large.

"While I can't imagine a world that ever embraces an employee that changes jobs every 24 months or less, we have already moved to accepting every three to five years as a 'steady work history,'" Hamilton adds. ( CareerBuilder.com )

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Four Ways to Clean Up Digital Dirt


Four Ways to Clean Up Digital Dirt. 83 Percent of Recruiters Look for Digital Dirt. Job seekers, beware! That MySpace photo of you doing a keg stand may get a few chuckles from friends, but it's no laughing matter in the job market.

Employers are increasingly scouring the Internet for "digital dirt" to help them weed through job candidates. In fact, 83.2 percent of recruiters acknowledged to using online search engines in 2007 to uncover information about candidates, according to ExecuNet, an online referral network for executives and recruiters. Of these recruiters, 43 percent acknowledged eliminating candidates based on the negative information they found.

Everything from racy Facebook profiles to scathing posts on community message boards to public arrest records are to blame for why perfectly qualified candidates often miss out on great job opportunities. Ellen Sautter and Diane Crompton, authors of "Seven Days to Online Networking" (JIST), add that digital dirt doesn't even have to be disastrous to knock candidates out of the running for a job.

"Digital dirt comes in all shapes and sizes. For example, the Internet might reveal that you're a member of a controversial association or that you're part of a moonlighting business that could be a conflict of interest with, or distraction from, your primary work. It can simply be something that is irrelevant to your professional reputation and distracts people from the real message you want to get across about who you are and what you have to offer," Sautter and Crompton state.

Many job seekers think they're squeaky clean in cyber space, only to discover that someone with the same name is soiling their reputation with recruiters. Sharing a common name with people who work in the same field or live in a similar area can be extremely problematic for job seekers if negative information is lurking online.

In their book, Sautter and Crompton offer the following four strategies to clean up digital dirt.



Wash over it

Create so much new online content about yourself that the negative or irrelevant information is buried under fresher, more relevant and more positive content. This method is useful when you're dealing with content that relates to someone else who shares your name. The more positive, relevant content you can create that is truly yours, the more you'll stand out from the pack of Jane Smiths and John Does.

Wash it out

Get rid of it entirely. Having online content deleted is not easy. Unless someone you know well created or posted the content in the first place, you might have a difficult time getting the owners of the site to remove the offending content.

Wait it out

Take no active measures to hide or delete the content, but just let nature take its course. Nature, in this case, is the natural sequence of events in most reasonably active, visible professionals' lives. This approach is recommended only if you write, speak or blog often.

Call in the pros

Now you can employ the services -- for a fee, of course -- of businesses that will keep an eye on your online reputation and help you keep it clean. One of the pioneers in this field, Reputation Defender, goes on a search-and-destroy mission. This organization scours the Internet to dig up every bit of information on you and then sets out to destroy (at your request) any negative information by getting it corrected or removed, whenever possible.

Sautter and Crompton encourage people -- whether they're job searching or not -- to remember that everything they do online leaves a digital footprint. It's up to each individual to determine whether those footprints take a step in the right -- or wrong -- direction in cyberspace. ( msn.com )

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Real Couple Gripes And Likes


Real Couple Gripes & Likes: The Gripes.





Looking for Cheers"

My husband thinks he's so handy. I'll never forget one time when he mowed the lawn and left our beautiful, plush grass looking like Stevie Wonder had cut it. As if that wasn't bad enough, he wanted to be appreciated for all his hard work. And he was serious!" -- Robin

[Nest Tip] Praise his work or you'll never get him to mow the lawn again!

Breaking the Code

"My husband and I haven’t gotten into a good routine yet for going through our mail. So it builds up, and then he’ll say, ‘We really need to go through the mail.' What this really translates to is: ‘You really need to go through the mail.' He does this 'we' thing with other stuff like doing the dishes, laundry, etc. But 'we' only includes me!" -- Susan

[Nest Tip] Make a joke out of the situation so that your point is clear but doesn't start a crazy fight. Try saying something like, “How come ‘we’ ends up being me? I'm onto your system. But I'll do the mail if you do the dishes -- and then we'll really get something done." Then fill out a chore chart and make sure the mail gets assigned to one of you.

Leaving a Trail

"My wife's most annoying habit is that she's a picker -- she picks her nails, her nail polish, her cuticles. I'm always finding her polish chips on the bottom of the passenger seat of our car." -- Eric

[Nest Tip] Hold her hand every time you catch her picking. Or invest in a Dustbuster.

Blabber Mouth

"My husband can't keep a secret to save his life. He has no sense of holding some things back. For instance, I shared something personal and private about a friend with him, and, naturally, the next time we see her, he blurts it out right in front of her. He'll say, 'Yeah, my wife told me that.' I don't know if he forgets, isn't listening, or just doesn't care." -- Marjorie

[Nest Tip] If you're going to keep sharing, then make a mental note to remind him what he can’t say when you meet up with friends.

Patiently Waiting

"My husband is a huge procrastinator. He's been saying that he's going to clean out the garage since we moved into our house -- and that was more than a year ago! I admit that he's cleaned up some of it, but at this rate, it won’t be completely done until we move again." -- Carol

[Nest Tip] Go over your calendars together and schedule all to-dos -- yours and his. And make sure he knows you'll keep him company while he cleans. You might even lend a hand or two.

Backseat Viewer

"My wife watches TV shows that drive her crazy. She spends the whole hour critiquing everything, from the writing to the camera work, the acting, and even the actors' personal lives. And she wants me to care and be incensed too. I don’t get why she doesn’t just change the channel." -- David

[Nest Tip] Change the channel for her. Or turn off the TV.

Glass Is Half-empty

"My husband clips his fingernails and toenails on the couch and puts the waste in whatever empty cup he was drinking from. It makes getting refills a very dangerous activity!" -- Leah

[Nest Tip] Watch -- and wash -- all drinking devices!

( thenest.com )
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Score Brownie Points With Your Spouse


Score Brownie Points With Your Spouse

The Issue: Chores

If you’re the husband:

We know you miss your bachelor days when the word “cleaning” meant taking a stack of pizza boxes down to the dumpster. But cut her some slack. Pick the household tasks it won’t kill you to do and tell your wife you’ll be responsible for those. Think of it as a chance to get in a little extra cardio each day.

If you’re the wife:

Feel like you’re saddled with the bulk of the chores? We hear you. But before you give him the cold shoulder (or “accidentally” dye his boxers magenta), make a list of all the things your spouse takes care of (the lawn, car maintenance, etc.) and give him credit before you rib him for never turning on the vacuum.

The game-changer:

Play “chore wars.” Deal each other cards with pictures of various chores on them. Once you have your hand, start bartering (i.e., trade the “dishes” card for the “taking out the trash” one). Then get up and get your jobs done. The person who completes their cards first gets to choose their prize (wink, wink).

The Issue: Sex

If you’re the husband:

If you could sum up your first few years of marriage, would you use the line: “I was told there’d be more sex”? Careful, buddy, you’re on a two-way street. If you don't make the goods enticing (yes, beyond 1-2-3 missionary) how will she come back for more? Next time, turn the focus all on her.

If you’re the wife:

Every couple is unique -- how often they do it, who initiates, and how much they experiment. The key is that both of you are satisfied. But if you feel like you’ve both fallen into a routine or one of you has unrealistic expectations, talk about it.

The game-changer:

Make a sex date once a week. Pick up a book like The Kama Sutra and set aside one night each week for a little game. Take turns closing your eyes, pointing to a page, and doing the frisky pose featured on that page.

The Issue: Cooking

If you’re the husband:

Whether you hate to cook or consider yourself a younger, hotter Tyler Florence, make it a team effort. Marinate the meat while she chops vegetables. Grocery shop and try some new recipes. If she works late, surprise her by cooking dinner and cleaning up after.

If you’re the wife:

Cooking for two every day -- or even just a few times a week -- may be a totally new experience for you. Let yourself off the hook by dressing up your favorite take-out items. Also, let your partner know that his help is totally welcome. Let him know that you won’t be the Top Chef police if he messes something up.

The game-changer:

If neither of you has skills in the kitchen, take a cooking class so you can learn together (check out your local community college for classes).

The Issue: Money

If you’re the husband:

Okay, so this isn't a great time to be spending. She’ll be beyond annoyed if you come home one more time with a new Xbox game since you “already have the console and that’s the most expensive part!” She wants things too, y'know.

If you’re the wife:

It’s easy to belittle your guy's choices when he’s blowing dough on fishing gear, but are your spending habits any better? Yes, we all need clothes, food, and shelter, but if those three things add up to a new Marc Jacobs purse, dinner out with the girls, and throw pillows for your crowded couch, check yourself!

The game-changer:

Set aside money in your monthly budget purely for entertainment purposes -- call it your own “slush fund.” Take that fun money and switch it up from month to month. For example, in June it’s divided equally among spouses, and June, you pool together for a fun weekend getaway. ( thenest.com )

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Are You Married to a Bedroom Beast?


Are You Married to a Bedroom Beast?



The Cover Hog

Species: A spouse who unwittingly claims all blankets for themself.

How to tame: Never attempt to wake the cover hog unless you want to be featured on
When Animals Attack! To reclaim your covers, grab the blanket and turn your body like a human roller. Or, have two blankets under the duvet so the hog can't get their hooves on what's rightfully yours.

The Night Owl

Species: A TV-watching, book-reading, lights-on menace to your sleep.

How to tame: It’s hard to keep a bird in a cage, but this one needs limits. Once you close your eyes, your night owl should be allowed to read or watch the tube for a limited time frame -- 15 minutes or less. Beyond that, they need to venture outside the bedroom and complete all activities in closed captioning (hint, hint).

The Hyena

Species: A mate who won’t stop snoring.

How to tame: Gently nudging the hyena is allowed, as it can rouse the humming, wheezing, jabbering animal for temporary relief. For chronic snorers, try breathing strips or go to bed early so you're already asleep before the midnight howling begins. P.S. There's always the couch.

The Octopus

Species: A hands-on touchy feeler who invades the coveted bed-space of their innocent, unsuspecting mate.

How to tame: Sometimes a cuddle is just that. Your mate needs affection, but it doesn’t have to last forever. Start the night off with five minutes of close hugs, a light massage, or a little hand-holding. The prize: The other person falls asleep, and eventually you can kick him to the curb and reclaim your space again. Zzzz...

The Stink Bug

Species: This partner (let's face it, we're talking about you) finds great joy in creating smelly situations under the covers. The victim is often unaware and tricked into bed.

How to tame: Have a good laugh and then grow up. Unless there’s an illness behind the rumblings (or a spicy meal), ask that all gas be passed before entering the bedroom and an effort be made to aim out the blast with minimal disruption. Keep room spray handy and don't forget to say your prayers. ( thenest.com )

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Ways to Keep Your Relationship Exciting


Ways to Keep Your Relationship Exciting. OK, boyfriends of the world, repeat after us: Routine is the enemy. Routine is the No. 1 cause of relationship death. Once boyfriends get comfortable, it’s not long before they get lazy; and as soon as they get lazy, they get dumped. If you have a girlfriend and you want to keep her long-term, you have to keep your relationship exciting. Relationship ruts need to be avoided at all costs. Routine, laziness and boredom must be combated at every opportunity.

Have you ever wondered why women cheat, or why it is that they terminate long-term relationships in favor of a new crush or the lures of single life? It’s because of fatigue. It’s because their boyfriends cease to excite and interest them. With that in mind, we’ve surveyed the contents of AM’s Guys Guide to Romance to find a few tips to help you keep your relationship exciting.



1. Buy Better Gifts

Here’s a simple tip to help you keep your relationship exciting: Avoid buying the same gift all the time. Just because she likes a certain kind of chocolate doesn’t mean she wants it as a gift five times a year. Gift-giving occasions — like her birthday or your anniversary — are opportunities for you to show her how much you care for her and also how imaginative, creative and thoughtful you are. So, put some thought into the gifts you give her. Try keeping a running list of the things she mentions so that when a gift-buying opportunity comes up you already have some ideas to work with.

2. Work Out Together

It’s an awkward truth, but after spending large amounts of time together, sexual attraction may start to wane. Moreover, as the two of you get increasingly comfortable in your relationship, you may start to let your bodies go a little bit.

In order to keep your relationship exciting you need to combat lethargy and laziness. That’s why working out together is a great way to keep your relationship exciting. Working out together keeps everyone feeling good about themselves and will ensure that the two of you will remain enthralled by one another. Couples who work out together stay together.

3. Redecorate

OK, we know this might sound a bit girlie at first, but stay with us. Redecorating your home is a great way to keep things feeling fresh in your relationship. On the one hand, undertaking a project together gives your relationship a sense of momentum. On the other hand, simply changing the look of your surroundings can help you fight the complacency and stagnancy that poisons relationships. Redecorating gives the two of you a sense of mutual purpose; it’s also a way of using your living space to battle relationship boredom.

4. Get Away

Sometimes the simplest solution is the best. And in that sense, a romantic getaway is one of the best ways to keep your relationship exciting. The cares of day-to-day life can often take a toll on your relationship. When you get away — even for a few days — the two of you can leave work, household chores and all of life’s mundane details behind. You don’t have to kill yourself trying to find the most adorable bed and breakfast in the most romantic little town in human history. Just plan a weekend getaway. You make plans together, or make them yourself and surprise her. Hit the road and recharge your batteries. Your relationship will benefit from a few days of solid quality time. Just make sure you’re not taking the same vacation over and over again. Mix it up to keep things exciting.

5. Pick Up a New Hobby

The best relationships are based on mutual improvement. You want to be with a woman who helps you become the best possible version of yourself, and she wants the same. Women want men who will introduce them to new things, expand their horizons and improve their lives. So, show her you can be this kind of man by taking up a new hobby with her. Take a karate class or a dance lesson, learn how to kayak or cook. Picking up a new hobby is yet another way to keep your relationship exciting.

Make It Work

You don’t have to do anything wild or crazy to keep your relationship exciting. Not every woman is looking for a daredevil or an adrenaline junkie. In fact, after awhile, that routine gets as tiresome as any other. The key is simply incorporating a little spontaneity into your relationship. ( askman.com )

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Here are seven storylines Obama needs to worry about


Here are seven storylines Obama needs to worry about. Presidential politics is about storytelling. Presented with a vivid storyline, voters naturally tend to fit every new event or piece of information into a picture that is already neatly framed in their minds.

No one understands this better than Barack Obama and his team, who won the 2008 election in part because they were better storytellers than the opposition. The pro-Obama narrative featured an almost mystically talented young idealist who stood for change in a disciplined and thoughtful way. This easily outpowered the anti-Obama narrative, featuring an opportunistic Chicago pol with dubious relationships who was more liberal than he was letting on.

A year into his presidency, however, Obama’s gift for controlling his image shows signs of faltering. As Washington returns to work from the Thanksgiving holiday, there are several anti-Obama storylines gaining momentum.

The Obama White House argues that all of these storylines are inaccurate or unfair. In some cases these anti-Obama narratives are fanned by Republicans, in some cases by reporters and commentators.

But they all are serious threats to Obama, if they gain enough currency to become the dominant frame through which people interpret the president’s actions and motives.

Here are seven storylines Obama needs to worry about:

He thinks he’s playing with Monopoly money

Economists and business leaders from across the ideological spectrum were urging the new president on last winter when he signed onto more than a trillion in stimulus spending and bank and auto bailouts during his first weeks in office. Many, though far from all, of these same people now agree that these actions helped avert an even worse financial catastrophe.

Along the way, however, it is clear Obama underestimated the political consequences that flow from the perception that he is a profligate spender. He also misjudged the anger in middle America about bailouts with weak and sporadic public explanations of why he believed they were necessary.

The flight of independents away from Democrats last summer — the trend that recently hammered Democrats in off-year elections in Virginia — coincided with what polls show was alarm among these voters about undisciplined big government and runaway spending. The likely passage of a health care reform package criticized as weak on cost-control will compound the problem.

Obama understands the political peril, and his team is signaling that he will use the 2010 State of the Union address to emphasize fiscal discipline. The political challenge, however, is an even bigger substantive challenge—since the most convincing way to project fiscal discipline would be actually to impose spending reductions that would cramp his own agenda and that of congressional Democrats.

Too much Leonard Nimoy

People used to make fun of Bill Clinton’s misty-eyed, raspy-voiced claims that, “I feel your pain.”

The reality, however, is that Clinton’s dozen years as governor before becoming president really did leave him with a vivid sense of the concrete human dimensions of policy. He did not view programs as abstractions — he viewed them in terms of actual people he knew by name.

Obama, a legislator and law professor, is fluent in describing the nuances of problems. But his intellectuality has contributed to a growing critique that decisions are detached from rock-bottom principles.

Both Maureen Dowd in The New York Times and Joel Achenbach of The Washington Post have likened him to Star Trek’s Dr. Spock.

The Spock imagery has been especially strong during the extended review Obama has undertaken of Afghanistan policy. He’ll announce the results on Tuesday. The speech’s success will be judged not only on the logic of the presentation but on whether Obama communicates in a more visceral way what progress looks like and why it is worth achieving. No soldier wants to take a bullet in the name of nuance.

That’s the Chicago Way

This is a storyline that’s likely taken root more firmly in Washington than around the country. The rap is that his West Wing is dominated by brass-knuckled pols.

It does not help that many West Wing aides seem to relish an image of themselves as shrewd, brass-knuckled political types. In a Washington Post story this month, White House deputy chief of staff Jim Messina, referring to most of Obama’s team, said, “We are all campaign hacks.”

The problem is that many voters took Obama seriously in 2008 when he talked about wanting to create a more reasoned, non-partisan style of governance in Washington. When Republicans showed scant interest in cooperating with Obama at the start, the Obama West Wing gladly reverted to campaign hack mode.

The examples of Chicago-style politics include their delight in public battles with Rush Limbaugh and Fox News and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. (There was also a semi-public campaign of leaks aimed at Greg Craig, the White House counsel who fell out of favor.) In private, the Obama team cut an early deal — to the distaste of many congressional Democrats — that gave favorable terms to the pharmaceutical lobby in exchange for their backing his health care plans.

The lesson that many Washington insiders have drawn is that Obama wants to buy off the people he can and bowl over those he can’t. If that perception spreads beyond Washington this will scuff Obama’s brand as a new style of political leader.

He’s a pushover

If you are going to be known as a fighter, you might as well reap the benefits. But some of the same insider circles that are starting to view Obama as a bully are also starting to whisper that he’s a patsy.

It seems a bit contradictory, to be sure. But it’s a perception that began when Obama several times laid down lines — then let people cross them with seeming impunity. Last summer he told Democrats they better not go home for recess until a critical health care vote but they blew him off. He told the Israeli government he wanted a freeze in settlements but no one took him seriously. Even Fox News — which his aides prominently said should not be treated like a real news organization — then got interview time for its White House correspondent.

In truth, most of these episodes do not amount to much. But this unflattering storyline would take a more serious turn if Obama is seen as unable to deliver on his stern warnings in the escalating conflict with Iran over its nuclear program.

He sees America as another pleasant country on the U.N. roll call, somewhere between Albania and Zimbabwe

That line belonged to George H.W. Bush, excoriating Democrat Michael Dukakis in 1988. But it highlights a continuing reality: In presidential politics the safe ground has always been to be an American exceptionalist.

Politicians of both parties have embraced the idea that this country — because of its power and/or the hand of Providence — should be a singular force in the world. It would be hugely unwelcome for Obama if the perception took root that he is comfortable with a relative decline in U.S. influence or position in the world.

On this score, the reviews of Obama’s recent Asia trip were harsh.

His peculiar bow to the emperor of Japan was symbolic. But his lots-of-velvet, not-much-iron approach to China had substantive implications.

On the left, the budding storyline is that Obama has retreated from human rights in the name of cynical realism. On the right, it is that he is more interested in being President of the World than President of the United States, a critique that will be heard more in December as he stops in Oslo to pick up his Nobel Prize and then in Copenhagen for an international summit on curbing greenhouse gases.

President Pelosi

No figure in Barack Obama’s Washington, including Obama, has had more success in advancing his will than the speaker of the House, despite public approval ratings that hover in the range of Dick Cheney’s. With a mix of tough party discipline and shrewd vote-counting, she passed a version of the stimulus bill largely written by congressional Democrats, passed climate legislation, and passed her chamber’s version of health care reform. She and anti-war liberals in her caucus are clearly affecting the White House’s Afghanistan calculations.

The great hazard for Obama is if Republicans or journalists conclude — as some already have — that Pelosi’s achievements are more impressive than Obama’s or come at his expense.

This conclusion seems premature, especially with the final chapter of the health care drama yet to be written.

But it is clear that Obama has allowed the speaker to become more nearly an equal — and far from a subordinate — than many of his predecessors of both parties would have thought wise.

He’s in love with the man in the mirror

No one becomes president without a fair share of what the French call amour propre. Does Obama have more than his share of self-regard?

It’s a common theme of Washington buzz that Obama is over-exposed. He gives interviews on his sports obsessions to ESPN, cracks wise with Leno and Letterman, discusses his fitness with Men’s Health, discusses his marriage in a joint interview with first lady Michelle Obama for The New York Times. A photo the other day caught him leaving the White House clutching a copy of GQ featuring himself.

White House aides say making Obama widely available is the right strategy for communicating with Americans in an era of highly fragmented media.

But, as the novelty of a new president wears off, the Obama cult of personality risks coming off as mere vanity unless it is harnessed to tangible achievements.

That is why the next couple of months — with health care and Afghanistan jostling at center stage — will likely carry a long echo. Obama’s best hope of nipping bad storylines is to replace them with good ones rooted in public perceptions of his effectiveness. ( POLITICO )

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Church's bill to hit €20m after latest sex claims


Church's bill to hit €20m after latest sex claims. The compensation bill for victims of child abuse in the Dublin diocese is set to double to more than €20m, the Irish Independent has learned.

The total is likely to soar after shocking details of abuse by paedophile priests were made public over the weekend.

The report of the Commission of Investigation into child abuse -- which will be presented to the Cabinet today -- will detail further evidence of horrific abuse involving priests in the Dublin diocese.

It also criticises the failure of the Church to report the litany of cases to the gardai.

The archdiocese has so far identified up to 450 victims who were abused as children dating back as far as 1940. In all, 120 civil actions were taken against 35 Dublin priests or priests who held positions in the diocese.

The 94 cases they have settled to date cost the diocese €7.3m in compensation and a further €3.2 in legal fees.

However, sources close to Archbishop Diarmuid Martin last night said the final payout will be double this figure.

The report has found Dr Martin's predecessors -- John Charles McQuaid, Dermot Ryan, Kevin McNamara and Desmond Connell -- were all aware of the complaints of sexual abuse involving priests in the Dublin diocese, but failed to report it to gardai.

Shocked

The report says Dr Connell was shocked at the extent of the abuse within the diocese. But he was slow to recognise the seriousness of the situation and failed to realise that clerical sex abusers could not be dealt with in secret.

However, his reputation could be partially rehabilitated as he is credited with reintroducing internal Church tribunals designed to put abusing clerics on secret trial leading to their removal -- defrocking --from the priesthood.

Cardinal Connell maintained his silence yesterday after the leaked report criticised his handling of the abuses.

A housekeeper at his Dublin home re-directed all queries to the archbishop's residence.

The Dublin diocese also declined to answer queries about the report's findings.

Archbishop Martin yesterday met with other senior bishops in Maynooth to prepare the agenda for next month's meeting of the hierarchy.

However, a spokesperson for Dr Martin insisted the bishops did not discuss details of the leaked Commission of Investigation report.

Assets

Meanwhile, a separate report will reveal how religious orders will be able to use more of their assets to compensate victims of abuse by brothers and nuns.

The report, which is also due to be published shortly, was delivered to Education Minister Batt O'Keeffe two weeks ago.

However, further information has been sought from individual orders about their assets and how they can increase their contribution to compensation.

The report was compiled by a three-person panel, chaired by Frank Daly, former chairman of the Revenue Commissioners. They were asked to assess the resources of the religious orders after the public outcry following the publication of the Ryan report six months ago.

Former minister Dr Michael Woods had capped the liability of the religious orders and congregations at €128m, although the cost to the state is estimated at a massive €1.3bn.

But the delay in publishing the assets' report was criticised by Fine Gael last night.

"Legislation is urgently needed to address the making of additional financial contributions by religious orders and congregations for the benefit of victims of institutional child abuse," the party's children's spokesman Alan Shatter said.

The minister last night said he hoped to publish the report "soon".

"The Government will consider the matter, in consultation with representatives of the survivors and the congregations, in the light of an offer from the congregations and the report of the panel," he said.( @independent news )

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